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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26818057">And I Know It Makes You Nervous (But I Promise You It's Worth It)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PleaseDontGetMeRescued/pseuds/PleaseDontGetMeRescued'>PleaseDontGetMeRescued</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Birthday, Complicated Relationships, Confusing relationships, F/M, Lila Pitts Needs A Hug, No Sparrow Academy, Soft Diego Hargreeves, Soft Lila Pitts, idk what this is guys</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:49:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,926</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26818057</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PleaseDontGetMeRescued/pseuds/PleaseDontGetMeRescued</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>She doesn’t really have any thoughts on how old she is.  Every year seems the same to her.  For as long as she can remember it was school, fight, train.  And then it was work, fight, kill.  The thought sends a spark of bitterness coiling through her gut.  She wonders what her life would have been like if the Handler had never taken her.  Her parents would most likely still be alive.  Would Lila have ended up a humble flower merchant like them?  Or was she destined to become this?  This violent, confused, often lonely thing that she is today?  </p>
<p>OR</p>
<p>Lila takes a roadtrip.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Diego Hargreeves/Lila Pitts, The Handler &amp; Lila Pitts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>62</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>And I Know It Makes You Nervous (But I Promise You It's Worth It)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is part of an entire canon-divergence world that I have in my head but haven’t written yet.  My motivation is currently at about 5%, which is why this wasn’t posted on their actual birthday, which was my plan. </p>
<p>All you need to know is that in this world The Sparrow Academy doesn’t exist and Lila came back to find Diego in, like, July or something.  Also, in this story all of the siblings still live in the Academy because I said so. Don’t think about it too hard.</p>
<p>Please enjoy! </p>
<p>Title from Come Out and Play by Billie Eilish.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">Lila is a monster when she sleeps. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">An actual, honest-to-god octopus, koala bear, vice-gripping <em>monster</em> that suffocates him basically every single night.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">It might actually be troubling if it wasn’t so adorable.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">It had taken Diego some getting used to, to be honest.He had always been more than satisfied remaining in one position throughout the night - on his back, a single pillow under his head, blankets halfway up his chest.It had been that way since he was a child and didn’t think he would ever change.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Until Lila.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">His gorgeous, wild, absolute gremlin of a girlfriend is incapable of staying still for very long while fully conscious.When she’s asleep, though, it’s a whole new ballgame. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">That first night at Elliot’s he had been too worn out to notice all of her tossing and turning and rearranging.But now that the end of the world had been stopped, or at least postponed, and everything had calmed down, Diego is forced to come to terms with the wriggling menace that is his girlfriend.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Lila could be clingy when her guard was down - a result of too many years without positive affection or comforting touch.Diego didn’t mind, though; he knew the feeling. He would be lying if he said he didn’t like being close to her.He liked tucking her unruly hair behind her ears and kissing her and pulling her close.Lila, for all of her tough bravado, seemed to revel in it. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Several times a night Diego would find himself pulled from sleep by Lila’s tossing and turning.Lila lifting his arm so she can snuggle underneath it.Lila shoving at his shoulder so she can force him to spoon behind her, or so she can spoon behind him.Lila’s full weight pressing him into the bed, finding him to be more comfortable than the mattress.Most mornings he had to carefully extract himself from her gripping limbs so he could get to work on time.Lila would whine every time, grumbling into the sheets until Diego kisses her cheek and places a fluffy pillow in the spot he’d just vacated for her to cling to.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Never a morning goes by when he doesn’t wake up completely entangled in Lila.He wouldn’t have it any other way. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Which is why when he wakes up in the morning and finds Lila <em>not</em> snuggled up next to him, he may or may not be a little grumpy.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">He reaches for her immediately upon waking.His eyes still closed tight against the grey light peeking through the blinds they leave cracked at night.Neither of them is able to fall asleep in a completely dark room anymore.There are too many bad memories lurking: needles full of drug cocktails, days on end locked inside padded cells or solitary confinement, ugly slurs and heavy hits coming from every direction while they were too drugged up to fight back.The nuthouse was a fucking nightmare, and Diego isn’t ashamed to say it. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">His chest clenches painfully at the reminder of their time together there.Lila was the only bright spot breaking up the endless stress.It only took a few days of knowing her to become dependent on her company.He looked forward to her cheeky smiles and dry teasing to break up the overwhelming worry for his siblings and confusion at his new normal.As their days in the institution dragged on, he often found himself desperate for her chaotic company.She was the only one who didn’t treat him like a complete lunatic.Their matching dark circles and exhausted minds did more for their bonding than any relationship he’d ever had, romantic or otherwise, and despite what he might have told her, there was a part of him that <em>had</em> thought about her when plotting his escape. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">A lot of shit might have had to go down for them to get where they are now, but Diego could never bring himself to regret bringing her along.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Their room is cold.Fall has started to set in over the last few weeks, and Lila usually runs cold anyway.He might grumble about her pressing cold toes against his legs at night, but he didn’t actually mind it. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">He shifts to his side, feeling the too-cool air of their room against his face.It makes him wonder once again why she isn’t closer, leeching his warmth away the way she usually does.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">He cracks an eye open and spots her curled on her side on the far side of the bed.He can tell by the way her back expands with each breath that she’s already awake. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Diego doesn’t pout - he <em>doesn’t</em>.But he does immediately reach for her, blearily dragging himself across the sheets toward her warmth.He feels something loosen in his chest when he finally makes contact, slotting himself against her back and planting his face in her neck. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Lila grumbles when his cold toes making contact with her ankles, and he presses his amused smirk into her soft skin. Karma is, as they say, a bitch. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">When he looks down at her face, her eyes are already open and staring straight ahead.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">He hooks one finger under the strap of her tank top, pulling it down to expose her shoulder.He presses a long, warm kiss against the skin there and feels her twitch at the coarse itch of his beard.Diego rubs the bristly stubble against her soft skin because he knows she likes it, even though she complains. He watches fondly as Lila’s face scrunches up at the touch, grumbling.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“What are you doing all the way over here?”His voice is gravelly with sleep and Lila shudders when the low vibrations meet her ear. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She grumbles some more, reaching back blindly to slip her fingers through his hair.“You were crushing me with your stupid, heavy body.”Her rounded vowels come out even thicker when she’s sleepy, much to Diego’s delight.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Diego rolls his eyes and moves his kisses from her shoulder up to her neck.“Pot, meet kettle, baby.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">He watches Lila’s lips twitch up as she suppresses a smile.“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Oh, you don’t, huh,” he teases, pressing strong fingers under her chin to beg off a kiss.He can feel the way she melts into it, always so happy to be given every scrap of affection.Diego intends to spoil her with it.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“I missed you,” he says against her lips. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Lila rolls her eyes and suppresses another smirk.“You’re an insufferable sap, you know that?”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Diego smiles.He loves her like this - softly playful and relaxed against him.But he can’t help but tease her just a little. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“In that case,” he says, rolling away from her toward the other side of the bed.She doesn’t let him get very far though, yanking forcefully on his arm until he falls back over her.She tucks his still-long hair behind his ears gently and Diego stares down at her pillow-creased face. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">He’s surprised to find her gaze hollow, eyes wide and open in the early morning light, but undoubtedly dimmer than the familiar sparkling gaze he’s used to.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Hey,” he says, nudging his nose against hers.“What’s up?”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She runs her fingers up his spine before burying them in his hair.The smile she gives him with it is small and melancholy.“It’s your birthday.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Diego blinks.“Oh yeah.” </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">It’s not that he forgot, per se.He just doesn’t really care all that much.He’s never been big on birthdays.When they were kids Grace would make a big cake and Pogo would sneak them all little trinkets.Predictably, Reginald would ignore the significance of the day and continue to treat them like human experiments.He knew that kids are supposed to be excited about their birthday, but Diego learned early on not to expect anything much, and once he left the Academy, he mostly let his birthdays go by without a fuss. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">It’s interesting, though, that she said <em>his</em> birthday, not <em>their</em> birthday.The thought makes him frown.“It’s your birthday too,” he says as if she might have forgotten. She waves him off as if that didn’t matter.“We should do something.”Couples do things for each other’s birthday, right? </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">It’s Tuesday.He’s supposed and he has to work, but maybe after?Or maybe he could call into the gym and fake sick? </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“No, I-“Diego can actually <em>hear</em> Lila’s throat click dryly as she swallows.“That’s okay.I have some errands to run.”She wiggles out from underneath him, climbing off the bed and reaching for her jeans on the chair in the corner. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Errands?”He shakes his head.Since he’s known her, Lila has never once claimed to have <em>errands</em> to run.“Can’t they wait until tomorrow?We should celebrate.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“It’s alright,” she says, running a brush through her bedhead.“I don’t want to monopolize your day.” </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Diego frowns, leaning up on his elbow to look at her as she moves around the room, slipping a thick sweater over her head and tying the laces on her boots.“Maybe I want you to.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She must hear something in his voice, urging and a little disappointed, because her previously blank face is suddenly devilish, grin shark-like.“Sorry, Knife Boy.I’ve got things to see, people to do.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">He rolls his eyes.“Don’t you mean things to do and people to see?”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Wouldn’t you like to know,” she teases, leaning across the bed and kissing him briefly.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Hey,” he says, pulling on her hand as she draws away from him.She comes back easily, pressing her forehead to his gently.“Happy birthday,” he says, stroking her cheek. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She smiles, real and bright.She bumps her nose against his and Diego closes his eyes against the sensation. “Happy birthday, darling.” </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">By the time he opens his eyes, she’s already gone. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Diego flops back down onto the mattress as he listens to Lila’s receding footsteps down the hallway.The light coming through the windows is still dull and gray.His alarm hasn’t gone off yet, and he wonders what errands Lila has to run so early in the morning.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Knowing he won’t be able to fall back asleep, he forces himself up and into the shower.By the time he makes it down to the kitchen for coffee, a few of the others are already up and puttering around before beginning their days.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Happy birthday,” Claire shouts, launching herself off her chair and wrapping her arms around his legs. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Diego smiles, ruffling her hair affectionately.“Thanks, kiddo.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Claire, sit down and eat your cereal before it gets mushy,” Allison chimes, sipping her coffee from her seat at the table next to a sleepy-looking Luther.Diego squeezes her arm on his way towards the coffee pot, pleased to see her relaxed and smiling.She and Patrick were forced to work out a new revised custody agreement when his job transferred him from LA to the city.Since then Claire has been around more often, much to everyone’s delight.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Luther nods at him as he passes.The circles under his eyes are dark, but not abnormally so.He’s been working security shifts at the city museum for the last several months.The night shifts aren’t his preference but it’s obvious he doesn’t mind the quiet solitude of the work.Diego knows that once he shovels down an alarming amount of food his brother will slink upstairs to sleep most of the day away. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“I passed Lila on my way in,” Luther says noncommittally.“Where was she off to so early?”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Diego thinks about the odd, vacant look in Lila’s eyes that morning.It doesn’t sit right with him, and he frowns.“She said she had some errands to run.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Errands?” Klaus huffs incredulously from where he’s slumped over a plate of toast.“Since when does Lila do <em>errands</em>?”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“I don’t know.” He tries to keep the vague worry out of his voice, but he must not succeed if his siblings’ concerned glances are anything to go by.“She was acting weird.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Weird?Lila?” Five quips as he comes through the kitchen door.Diego rolls his eyes. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Happy birthday!” Claire shouts, once again flinging herself from her seat and attacking Five with a hug.Five pats her on the head before shooing her back to the table. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“She didn’t say where she was going?” Five pours himself what will inevitably be the first of many cups of coffee, before taking his place at the table. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Diego shakes his head and Allison rolls her eyes.“Give her a break, guys.She’s allowed to do things without telling us.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“It’s eight am on a Tuesday,” Luther says blearily.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“And our birthday,” Klaus adds.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Well maybe she doesn’t like birthdays,” Allison defends, making Diego pause.That’s not something he had considered.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“That’s crazy,” Klaus says, mouth full.“Who doesn’t like birthdays?”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“<em>Who</em> doesn’t like birthdays” Vanya echoes as she joins them, violin case in hand.She bends down to hug Claire tightly when the little one once again launches herself from her seat with a jubilant <em>happy birthday</em>.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Lila,” Allison answers, clearing plates away from the table.Diego takes them from her and loads them into the dishwasher.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“You don’t know that.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Diego, just because you want to celebrate doesn’t mean she does.None of us know what birthdays were like for her growing up.And with the Handler as a mom?Who knows what kind of shit-“ She glances down at Claire who’s now scribbling on a piece of printer paper with a half-broken crayon.“I mean <em>stuff</em>, she went through.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Diego sighs.It’s times like these he feels like kicking himself. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Lila is a vibrant person.Even with her dark humor and sarcastic nature, it’s obvious that she caresdeeply for the people close to her.And Diego knows, despite it all, that Lila cared very much for the Handler. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Maybe you’re right,” he says.He’ll have to ask her about it later.“I gotta get going.”The clock on the stove reads 8:21.He’s running late.“I’ll see you guys tonight.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Wait,” Vanya calls, making him pause.“We should all have dinner together tonight.We could order pizza?I can pick up a cake after my rehearsal.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Sounds fun, Van,” Five says, sipping his coffee. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“I’m down,” Luther agrees.“Someone should pick up some wine and beer.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Not Five,” Klaus quips, grinning.“He’s not old enough.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Go fuck a cactus.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Dude,” Luther scolds, gesturing to a still-distracted Claire.Klaus just laughs.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Allison rolls her eyes.“I’ll get it.Dinner at eight?”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">They all agree and Vanya’s smile is bright enough to drown out the sun.“This will be our first birthday all together in so long, you guys.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Yeah, well, don’t get too excited,” Diego quips.“With our luck, something is bound to go wrong.”Klaus throws a piece of toast at his head but Diego ducks just in time with a grin. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">On his drive to work he tries not to get his hopes up too much that Lila will want to join them for dinner.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">-</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She takes the bus to the car rental place by the airport. They give her something boring and non-fussy but the tank is only three-quarters full, which annoys her.She’ll need the full tank to get where she’s going so she grits her teeth and stops at the station on the corner to top it off.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">The dashboard clock reads 8:15.Diego will be leaving for work right about now.If she’s timed this right - and she has.She knows she has - she’ll be back around the same time as him in the evening.Three hours to get there, three hours back, and two hours in between.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Plenty of time. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She’s not thrilled about spending 6 hours in the car but has resigned herself to doing it anyway.She needs to do this. For closure, or whatever. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She buys herself a much-needed cup of shitty gas station coffee before getting on the road.She doesn’t feel like <em>thinking</em> while she drives but only makes it through half a song before the crooning voice on the radio starts to grate on her nerves.She flips stations until landing on a random talk show. It takes her only moments to realize it’s hosted by some blithering idiot but lets the droning cadence of his voice lull her into dissociation. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">By the time Lila pulls off the highway it’s nearing noon.She stops at the grocery store and is relieved to find only a few cars in the lot.It’s been a long time since she’s back back, but she doesn’t feel like being recognized.She paces through the aisles mindlessly, collecting a few items before heading out. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">It takes her several long moments to start the car again.Something in her chest pulls tight with nerves, but she pushes past it, shoving the key in the ignition with perhaps more force than is necessary.She steers her way carefully down the long, unpaved roads, across the rickety bridge over the creek, and past the little farm cared for by old Mrs. Miller.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">The house at the very end of the lane is empty.It looks exactly the same as it always has - a single-story brick structure with rose bushes on either side of the porch.Simple and reclusive, the perfect home for the Handler and her daughter.Far enough out of town that the sound of gunshots and shouting wouldn’t be heard.Their only neighbor far down the road and long-deaf. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Lila frowns at the too-long grass and unruly rose bushes.Her mother would absolutely hate it.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She expects the door to stick like it always does, but it swings open almost too easily, banging against the hall table with a clatter.Lila winces. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She takes a deep breath and gathers her bearings before allowing herself to cross the threshold, allowing the familiar scent of home to settle over her.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">The front door had knocked over a frame on the entryway table.Lila doesn’t have to look to know what photo it is.A snapshot from her fifth birthday, 26 years ago, shortly after her mother brought her home for the first time.Her mum had been so excited, stuck a single candle in a pint of ice cream, sang happy birthday and everything. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">The memory makes Lila’s chest clench. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She replaces the frame and drops the key to her rental in the little catch-all dish she made as a child.It’s ugly and lopsided, but her mum used it anyway, unfailingly storing her keys in it at the end of every day. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">It’s shit like that that makes Lila question everything she thinks she might know.She thinks about all the times her mother walked her to school, held her after nightmares, or made her favorite breakfast.The same woman who taught her how to fight and kill and survive.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Her mother was responsible for the softest and hardest parts of who Lila was at the same time, and that was - confusing.In the months since her death, Lila has come to the realization that her primary goal might have been to use Lila, train her and force her to do unspeakable things, but maybe she had also been lonely.Maybe she had always wanted a daughter. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Lila hates that thought, though, because it shouldn’t matter.At the end of the day her mother might have raised her, maybe even loved her to an extent, but she still tried to kill her in the end, didn’t she?It didn’t matter that the woman taught her how to read and cook and every single other thing Lila knows.It shouldn’t matter because it was all a lie.It was all a trick. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">To the Handler, Lila was nothing more than a tool to get what she wanted, and Lila was stupid enough to love her anyway.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">What breaks Lila’s heart now is that she has no idea what that is - she has no idea what it was that her mother wanted.What could justify murdering two innocent people and kidnapping their only child?What could be worth 26 hard years of parenting?After all, Lila wasn’t exactly an easy child.What was her mother so desperate for?Lila doesn’t know.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">And now she’ll never get the change to ask.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She toes off her boots and makes her way to the kitchen where she ate dinner every day for the majority of her life.Even after she’d moved into her own place, she spent most evenings that she wasn’t working at home with her mother. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She didn’t have friends, rarely kept lovers, and wasn’t particularly adept at forming lasting relationships.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Just another thing she can thank her mother for.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">The cabinet above the stove is where the candles are kept, and Lila is forced to stand on her tip-toes to reach the flimsy box.She selects a green one and grabs the box of matches in the drawer next to the sink, as well as a spoon. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">The power and internet are still running.Her mother’s bills are on autopay and obviously no one has called to cancel them.Well, Lila hasn’t.And she’s all there is.She flicks the tv on and clicks through until she finds what she’s looking for. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She hums the happy birthday song to herself as she snuggles into the soft pink coach her mother had let her pick out for them when she as ten.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Well, mum,” she says, lighting the candle and leaning in close.“Thirty this year.” </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She doesn’t really have any thoughts on how old she is.Every year seems the same to her.For as long as she can remember it was school, fight, train.And then it was work, fight, kill.The thought sends a spark of bitterness coiling through her gut.She wonders what her life would have been like if the Handler had never taken her.Her parents would most likely still be alive.Would Lila have ended up a humble flower merchant like them?Or was she destined to become this?This violent, confused, often lonely <em>thing</em> that she is today? </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She thinks about the others.Not just the Hargreeves with their dysfunctional love for one another, but the rest.She knows now that there were 43 of them - random anomalies in the universe or something.How many of them got to live normal lives?How many never realized they had special abilities because they were never taken away from their parents so young and forced to fight?</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She shakes her head.It’s stupid to be jealous of people she doesn’t know. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Lila blows out her candle and wishes to have a nice day.She wishes to have a normal year.She wishes to make good memories with her new family, even though she’s not sure she deserves them.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She digs into her ice cream as the opening chords of Be My Baby filter through the living room she grew up in.Her mother had countless safe houses, but this one was always <em>home</em>.The one that no one at the Commission knew about. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She screws off the top of her bottle of wine just as Baby and Johnny meet for the first time.She takes long pulls straight from the bottle.Her mother would have hated it; insisted that wine always should be drunk from a proper wine glass with a stem.<em>Stemless wine glasses are for heathens and sorority girls, dear. </em></p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She’s seen this movie approximately 9 thousand times.It had already been her mother’s favorite by the time Lila came along, and the Handler had been quick to show it to her new daughter.Lila is pretty sure no one in their right mind would show a film called <em>Dirty Dancing</em> to a five-year-old, but then again, no one would ever claim the Handler to be in her right mind anyway.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Nevertheless, the movie quickly became one of Lila’s favorites as well.She loved the music and the dancing and Baby’s pretty, curly hair.She thinks about how young and innocent she was the first time she saw it, newly turned five and elated to be eating ice cream for dinner in her soft pink jammies and snuggled up to her pretty new mother.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">The very next day her mother took her out back and watched as she stumbled her way through an obstacle course much too difficult for most toddlers.But Lila wasn’t most toddlers.Lila needed to impress her new mother and maybe, just maybe, if she succeeded, her mother would let her keep watching fun movies and eat ice cream for dinner.Maybe her new mother would keep her.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She meant what she said to Five all those months back.Every single kill was personal.It had to be.Because if it wasn’t personal then it wasn’t the most important thing.And if it wasn’t the most important thing then she might get sloppy or lazy and fail.And if she failed she’d disappoint her mother. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">And that could not happen.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Because Lila had exactly one person on the planet, and that was her mother.Her mother who loved her, maybe, but worked her hard.Her mother who cared for her but also used her mercilessly for her own gain. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Her mother who lied to her for 26 years, manipulated her into being a murder, and eventually tried to kill her.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Lila’s not sure she’d know a healthy relationship if it smacked her in the face, but in her imagination it looks something like Vanya handing her a cup of coffee in the morning, or Allison trusting her to watch Claire alone for a few hours.Maybe it looks like Klaus pulling her up to dance around the living room when a good song comes on, or Luther offering to spar with her in the gym.It looks like Five not actively trying to kill her anymore.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Maybe it looks like the way Diego smiles at her, making her heart go all fuzzy.The way she still wants to be with him even when he’s being annoying and dramatic.The way he treats her well and listens to her thoughts and fears and gives her affection when she hasn’t earned it. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">And that’s the thing, isn’t it?She hasn’t earned them.She hasn’t earned their friendship or their trust or the right to be in their home.She hasn’t earned Diego’s devotion or acceptance into his family.The family they all worked so hard to knit back together after so much time apart. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She doesn’t deserve them because she is dumb and weak and trusted her mother when she gave an order. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Or worse, she doesn’t deserve them because somewhere deep down she knew that what her mother asked of her wasn’t right, wasn’t justified.And she did it anyway.She manipulated Diego and his desire to do good and save his family, save the world.She drugged Diego.She attacked the others.Allison nearly <em>died</em>. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She knew it was wrong and she did it anyway because she’s stupid and wanted so badly for her mother to love her - to be proud of her.And in the end, it didn’t even work.And now the Hargreeves have taken her in and allowed her to stay.Diego kisses her and tells her he loves her and wraps her up in an endless amount of tenderness, even when she’s done nothing.She could not move all day long, not be useful in any way, and Diego would still pull her closer.He would still be kind to her.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">And she doesn’t know what to fucking do with that.Doesn’t know what to do with any of them:Luther’s timid kindness or Allison’s trust or Klaus’ enthusiasm or Five’s acceptance or Vanya’s compassion or Diego’s love. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">But she’s greedy and selfish and has prettymuch zero self-control, so she takes and takes and takes and refuses to think about how she has nothing to offer them in return. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Today is her birthday.The first one without her mother.Maybe that’s a good thing, maybe it’s a sad thing, but it doesn’t matter.Regardless, Lila knew going in that the day would be a difficult one.And she didn’t want to burden the others.She didn’t want to burden Diego.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Plus, she thinks maybe she needed this.One final birthday just like this.Watching her and her mum’s favorite movie on their pink couch, eating ice cream and drinking wine from the bottle the way she has for years.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">The only difference is that this year she’s doing it alone.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">This time she’s doing it to say goodbye.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">By the time Baby and Johnny are practicing lifts in the lake Lila’s ice cream is gone.Her wine is almost gone, and she’s had enough by now that she’s no longer focusing on the movie.Her legs feel restless after long hours in the car, so she gets up to walk around the familiar space of her childhood home.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">The bookshelf against the far wall is stuffed full with every book Lila has ever read - from the children’s stories she learned to read with to the books she studied from at school.There’s a photo on the fireplace mantle of a pre-teen Lila and the bunny she’d found hiding under the front porch steps and had somehow convinced her mother to let her keep until the springtime.The china her mum had inherited from her own parents is carefully stacked in the credenza in the dining room. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She refuses to go into her own bedroom, knowing it will hurt too much, but she does ease the door open to her mother’s room.The walls are the same soft blue they’ve always been, and the bedspread is the same cool satin Lila remembers feeling under her fingers when waking her mother in the middle of the night after a scary dream.Lila runs her fingers across the smooth material and roughly shakes away the memories of her mother’s open arms, urging her up into the big bed where nightmares couldn’t get her.Where her mother could protect her.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Lila face-plants onto the bed and is disappointed to find it no longer smells like her mum’s perfume.She should get up, she knows, but her belly is full of ice cream and her mouth tastes like pinot.The combination makes her sleepy and she tells herself she’ll only close her eyes for a few moments. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">As she drifts off she thinks that this is a bad idea.She’s on a schedule and needs to be back to the Academy on time if she doesn’t want to worry Diego.Doesn’t want to burden him. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">But she’s tired.So, so tired of thinking and feeling.She just wants a break.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1"><em>Just a few moments</em>, she tells herself as she drifts off to sleep.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">-</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She wakes much later than she meant to.The sky has started to dim slightly, and the clock on the bedside table reads nearly 5 o’clock. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She was supposed to leave by 2. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She scrambles from the bed and rushes around the house, collecting trash and turning off the tv.She laces her boots back up, snatches her keys out of the dish on the table, and locks the door behind her. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She doesn’t look back as she drives away for what she knows will be the last time.She’s not sure she got any closure - she definitely didn’t get any answers - but it doesn’t matter. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">When she comes to the center of the rickety old bridge she rolls the window down and tosses her housekey into the water. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">-</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">By the time she makes it back to the rental car place it’s already after 8 o’clock.She pays the extra fee for returning the car on an empty tank and catches the bus back towards the Academy.It’d started raining on the drive back, and Lila wishes she’d chosen a hooded jacket that morning.She’s thoroughly soaked through by the time she climbs the steps to the Academy and silently pushes through the door. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She can hear the Hargreeves congregating in the living room, no doubt having a lovely birthday celebration together.She doesn’t want to interrupt their fun, so she silently climbs the stairs to the second floor without alerting anyone to her presence.She just wants to take a warm bath and go to sleep. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She’s ready for her birthday to be over.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She’s nearly to the bathroom when Claire’s tiny frame bumps into her. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Lila likes Claire.The littlest Hargreeves is adorable and sassy and gives really good hugs.She doesn’t mind that Lila can be crass or that she often says the wrong thing.As long as Lila is willing to pay at least a little bit of attention to Claire, the little girl is happy.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Lila remembers what it was like to be the little girl desperate for attention.It breaks her heart to think of Claire growing up to be anything like her, so even when the adult Hargreeves are grating on Lila’s last nerve, she always is sure to be kind to Claire.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">The girl in question squeaks when the two bump into each other.The handful of papers she’d been holding goes scattering to the floor, and Claire pouts.Lila kneels to help gather them and Claire says “you’re all wet.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Well, she’s not wrong.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“It’s raining,” Lila replies with a grin, handing over the papers she’d collected. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Are you coming downstairs?” she asks in her sweet little voice. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“No,” Lila says.“I’m very tired.It’s past my bedtime.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Claire giggles.“Grown-ups don’t have bedtimes, silly.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Well, this grown-up does.” </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Claire!”Allison’s voice echoes up the staircase.“It’s time for cake!” </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Claire’s eyes go wide and bright and she scrambles past Lila before pausing.Lila watches as the little girl shuffles through her papers and hands one back.“This one’s for you,” she says before dashing away. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">When Lila looks down she sees a truly terrible drawing of what Lila assumes to be the Hargreeves family.Luther twice the height of everyone else and shaped like an inverted triangle. Allison with a riot of long yellow curlicues for hair. Five, Vanya, and a figure Lila assumes is Claire herself all hilariously drawn the same height. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">And there, sandwiched between Diego with stick-figure arms folded over his chest and a grumpy frown, and Klaus drawn with an obscenely wild mustache, is Lila.The figure is shown with choppy, unruly hair and enormous brown dots for eyes, but it is undoubtedly her.As if she’s a part of the family.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Something harsh and pokey sticks in her throat that she tries to swallow down. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">It’s too much, she thinks.It much, much too much for her to process, so she deposits the drawing on the dresser in hers and Diego’s room, grabs her bath towel, and closes the bathroom door firmly behind her. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She undresses while the tub fills.She knows better than to look in the mirror for too long - knows she won’t like what she sees.A lifetime of scars from a lifetime of fighting. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Once upon a time she was proud of the scars she’d collected, thinking she’d earned them by being good at her job.Now she just sees all the ways her mother manipulated her.Cut her off from normal human relationships and made her desperate for any attention she could get.Any love she could get.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Now when she looks at her scars, she just feels sad.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">The warm bath water is a godsend on her aching muscles after a long day in the car.She hisses as her rain-cooled skin makes contact with the steaming water, but embraces the discomfort.She goes through the motions of sudsing shampoo into her hair and washing the tacky rainwater off of her face. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She’s busy running her loofah over her shoulders when the knock comes.Diego’s muffled voice filters through the door, calling her name. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Come in,” she says, because he would have anyway.He pokes his head through the crack in the door and pauses when he sees her leaning against the inside of the tub. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Want some cake?”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Lila blinks at him tiredly.“I’m taking a bath.”As if it isn’t obvious.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“So?”He lets himself in before sliding down to sit next to the tub.He’s holding a small plate with a large piece of double chocolate cake on it.“It’s good,” he says, handing her the plate. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Bathwater drips off her elbows as she eats, but she doesn’t care.Diego stares at her face while she stares at her cake and waits for the inevitable barrage of questions.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She doesn’t have to wait long.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Where’d you go today?”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She could lie to him, but she doesn’t want to.She’s been alone all day, all her life, really, and right now, sitting in a tub of lukewarm water eating chocolate cake he brought up for her, she doesn’t feel like keeping it all inside.“Home,” she says simply and watches as Diego’s brow furrows.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Home, like-“</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“To my mother’s house.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Oh,” Diego says, face adorably confused.“Are you okay?”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Yeah,” she says.She feels tired, worn paper thin and in desperate need of more sleep, but is surprised to find her answer true.“I just needed some time to think.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Any good thoughts?”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She smiles, hooks the pads of her fingers behind his jaw and rubs her thumb across his soft lips.“Just about how you’re so good to me.”When she kisses him he tastes like chocolate cake. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">He smiles and kisses her again, brief and tender. “You deserve it.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She freezes.His words send a spike of something bright and painful through her chest as she remembers the last time someone said that to her.Her mother in that hotel room in Dallas. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1"><em>Of course</em>, she’d said.<em>You deserve it</em>. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <em>You deserve it for lying so well.For manipulating the only friend you’ve ever made.For tricking him into trusting you.</em>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">But she hadn’t deserved it.She didn’t deserve anything then, and she doesn’t deserve Diego now. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She pulls away from him, handing the plate back, and reaching for her loofah once again. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Hey,” he says, sensing the change in her mood immediately.“What’s the matter?”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“You shouldn’t say things like that.”Her answer is immediate and clipped and obviously catches Diego off guard. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Why not?”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Because it’s not true.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“What do you mean it’s not true?”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“I mean I - you.I-“She groans in frustration and brings her knees up to her chest, resting her cheek there so she doesn’t have to look at him, facing the wall.But Diego listens.He always listens and Lila can’t help but let the words pour from her mouth unchecked.“You shouldn’t say that I deserve to be treated well because I don’t.I don’t deserve it but I’m selfish and stupid and can’t help but be greedy-”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Woah, Lila-“</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Because I’m not a good person but all of you are and I definitely don’t deserve to be here in your home with your siblings and your <em>niece</em>, who for some reason thinks I’m a part of this family when I shouldn’t be.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Hey, hey, it’s alright.”He runs a gentle hand down her exposed spine and Lila resists the urge to shudder.“Look at me.”She can’t.She shouldn’t.She - “Lila, sweetheart.Look at me,” he urges, pushing her wet hair over her shoulder gently.Resigned to let this conversation happen, she turns her cheek the other way and meets his too-deep eyes.He looks sad, or worried maybe, and Lila scolds herself for messing up his evening.He should be having a nice, stress-free birthday.Instead, he’s sitting on the bathroom floor trying to comfort his absolutely batty girlfriend.“Of course you’re a part of this family.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“I’m not,” she says, shaking her head.She can feel tears starting to clog up her throat.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Don’t fight me on this, Lila.You’re not gonna win.”Lila rolls her eyes.“I’m serious.You might have gotten off on the wrong foot with the others, but everything is different now.And I’m not lying to you when I tell you that they <em>love</em> you.”She huffs in disbelieve and shakes her head.“And <em>I</em> love you.And I <em>know</em> you know that.”He leans forward and presses a soft kiss to the wet skin of her shoulder.“Now tell me what this is really about.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“I don’t deserve your family.I don’t deserve you.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Why, because you’re an asshole sometimes?”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“No!Well, yes, but I-“</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Cuz let me tell you, everyone downstairs?They’re assholes too.All of them.And me too.That doesn’t mean we don’t deserve to be loved.” </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She knows he’s trying to lighten the mood.Knows he’s trying to make her smile, and it just frustrates her further.He is so annoyingly sweet.It only reiterates the thoughts sprinting through her head, and before she can stop them, they come flying out of her mouth.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“I didn’t earn it!”He looks shocked and confused and concerned and Lila wants to submerge herself in her bathwater and never resurface.She wants to take back the words, gobble them down into nonexistence.But she can’t.So she presses on. “I didn’t do anything to earn your kindness, Diego.Or your family’s.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She closes her eyes.She doesn’t want to see the look on his face when he realizes it’s the truth.She doesn’t think she can bear it.She can feel her eyes turn wet with tears.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Lila, look at me.”She shakes her head vehemently.He cards his fingers through her wet hair again because he knows she likes it.“Open your eyes and look at me.”And maybe, if she does this one thing for him, she’ll deserve a little bit of that kindness she craves.So she opens her eyes.“Love and kindness aren’t things that you can earn.They have to be given to you for free.They have to be given willingly, do you understand?”She wants to look away from him, from the overwhelming sincerity on his handsome face.“Your mom fucked you up.The way she treated you, making you desperate for any scrap of acceptance, that wasn’t fair.You don’t earn kindness.You deserve it simply for being a human person.And love?I’m pretty sure there isn’t a thing you could do, good or bad, that could change the way I feel about you.Not because you’re helpful, or a tool to be taken advantage of, but because of who you are as a person.Do you understand?”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She does, to an extent.She understands the concept of unconditional love - understands how it might apply to other people.Other people who aren’t time-hopping assassins that tried to kill their boyfriend and his family.She’s just not sure it applies to her.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“It’s okay if you don’t yet.I’m still trying to figure it out too.Some days I don’t feel like I deserve to be here, back with my family after the bad things I’ve done.But still, every morning I wake up and they’re here, ready to love me and wanting to be in my life.And I’m always going to be that for you.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“What if I mess everything up,” she says quietly, watching as the drops from her hair fall and make ripples in the water. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Diego shrugs.“That’s what second chances are for,” he says, swiping chocolate frosting off of her plate and onto her nose.Lila huffs, feeling something in her chest give way to ease.She wipes the frosting from her nose before sucking it off of her finger.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">It really is quite good. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She reaches for him and is pleased when he meets to halfway, kissing her pruney fingers before tucking his cheek against her hand.Her voice is low and soft when she allows herself to speak again.“Our parents really did a number on us, didn’t they?”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“It’s honestly amazing we’re able to have any semblance of a normal relationship.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“You think this counts as a normal relationship?” she teases, gesturing back and forth between them. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Diego rolls his eyes so hard Lila is honestly surprised they don’t get stuck that way.“<em>Shut uuup</em>,” he groans before pressing his lips deeply to her own.Lila opens wide for him and lets herself drown in the sensation.“You taste like chocolate,” he says, eyes closed and noses brushing.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“I wonder why,” Lila quips, voice pitched low. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">He kisses her good and slow for a long while - the water around her rapidly cooling, him sitting on the floor.Lila feels the blood in her veins go hot and she wraps her arms firmly around his neck to pull him closer.Water drips off her arms onto his shirt.She feels him pull away but keeps her eyes closed, savoring the feeling of having him close.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Your water is cold.”Lila makes an affirmative noise before impatiently pushing forward for more kisses.“Are you ready to get out?” </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She groans, rolling her eyes to the ceiling.“Fine,” she says, reaching for the drain plug.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Do you want to come downstairs and hang out with everyone?”Lila freezes, just for a moment, be Diego must clock it anyway.“Hey, it’s alright.They haven’t seen you all day.They want to wish you a happy birthday.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">He’s right.She knows he’s right.That’s she has nothing to worry about and she’s welcome to join them downstairs, she just needs to work on believing it. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">So she nods in agreement and takes the towel Diego hands her.“Okay,” he says, kissing her hair before heading for the door.“I’ll meet you down there.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She dries herself quickly and slips into a set of comfortable sweatpants and one of Diego’s soft sweaters.Her hair is wet and limp around her face, but she doesn’t think the Hargreeves will mind.When she finally creeps her way downstairs she finds them all lounging around the tv in the family room. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Vanya spots her first.“Hey,” she says, smile warm and sincere.“Happy birthday!”Her voice is soft and kind and Lila feels it settle over her like a warm blanket. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Happy birthday,” Claire echoes with an unbearable amount of enthusiasm.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Thanks,” she says, smiling back.She drops herself down beside Diego, who drapes half of his blanket over her lap and hands her a plate of reheated pizza. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“We waited for you to start the movie,” Luther says from his spot between Klaus and Five on the other couch.”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“Sorry to keep you,” she says, savoring the taste of pizza grease and cheese.</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">“No worries,” Allison chimes, snuggled up to Claire on the loveseat.“Are we ready?”</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Five hits play on a Claire-friendly movie and they all settle in for an hour and a half of escapism.Lila munches on her pizza happily, leaning the majority of her weight into Diego’s side, face against his shoulder.He doesn’t seem to mind. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">He twirls the wet ends of her hair around his finger and leans down close to her ear.“Happy birthday, Lila,” he says quietly enough that only she hears. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">Lila smiles, presses a kiss his shoulder, and settles in even closer. </p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">She thinks maybe her birthday wish might just come true after all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Oof, y’all.  Made my own eyes roll with the cheesiness of that ending lol.  Fun fact: this was supposed to end in smut.  Truly, I do not know what happened.  </p>
<p>1) This year 10/1 was a Thursday but in 2019 it was a Tuesday, trust me I checked.<br/>2) Ice cream companies started selling it in pints in 1980, according to google.<br/>3) Dirty Dancing came out in 1987, 2 years before Lila and the others were born.<br/>4) I feel like you can’t raise a child for 25 years and not love them at least a little bit.  Just in the end, The Handler loved herself more.  Nevertheless, I refuse to believe that she and Lila didn’t have happy, loving moments together.  Not saying it was healthy - it definitely wasn’t - but even abusers are nice to you sometimes.  It’s all part of their game.  Poor Lila :( <br/>5) All the talk about Lila being selfish and blah blah blah - I don’t believe it but Lila does.  She’s currently in her feelings.  Cut her some slack. <br/>6) Anyone clock that Rocky Horror reference?</p>
<p>Anywho, thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed.  Comments are a kindness I desperately need rn.</p>
<p>Also, please stay safe out there, wear a mask, wash your hands, and if you’re American and are able to vote, please remember to do so!</p>
<p>Much love!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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